Sheila Charles ASPARAGUS WHAT THE TOFF EAT
I don’t recall eating asparagus in Blighty.
In fact I don’t think I even knew
What asparagus actually WAS.
Very sad but sadly true!
Then I bought a couple of poetry books
About the Ramsbottoms and Sam Small.
In the old days I used to recite them
To a small audience in our church hall.
There was one poem CALLED Asparagus
And this is what it said –
‘Asparagus – what the toffs eat.’
Mr. Ramsbottom bought some, it read.
He didn’t know how to prepare it.
He took it home for a treat.
His friend took the tops off for his rabbits,
Leaving only the stems to eat.
His wife tried to light the fire with them
As she’d no idea what they were.
When he found out, he quickly decided –
No more asparagus for HER.
Though I never ate it in England
When I came to New Zealand, I did.
If I had to take a plate anywhere
I put six rolls in a dish with a lid!
I thought I was being ‘posh’
And I’d be bound to impress,
Not realising they were nothing special here –
Just ‘run of the mills more or less.
Well, today, I went into a cafe.
There in the glass case, I saw
Two asparagus rolls. I took them both.
What did I do that for?
Then I turned to my KIWI friend and said,
“I’m eating asparagus. I’m being posh.”
I could tell by her blank expression
That she thought I was talking tosh!
“Everyone eats it here,” she laughed. Which just goes to show,
After living for fifty years, you’d think by now. I’d know!
illustration by ume-nori
