Sheila Charles LOCKED OUT
IF is such a little word but the other day I used it a lot.
When I found I had locked myself out on a cold day, believe it or not!
No keys and no spare key hidden. Just one person I knew with a key.
She was at work. I’ve no cell phone and she didn’t live with me.
I didn’t know the neighbour. I’d nodded briefly, that was all
And was she actually IN because I’d need to make a phone call?
I was on a walker so I had to yell out as I couldn’t manage the slope.
I spotted her through the window. Would she hear me? I could only hope!
She did. She opened the door and invite me inside.
I told her my sad story in detail. She took it all in her stride.
She then phoned my daughter at work. She was able to drive straight round.
She’d NO front door key, just the back and I’d snibbed it shut, she found!
So we had to ring the locksmith. They said an hour or more.
It was MORE. I waited two hours. (Under my breath, I swore.)
The man came and in a couple of ticks with the aid of a short piece of wire,
He’d opened the door, just like that. His skill I had to admire.
I said, “You took so long, I was going to ask a burglar to come.”
He said, “He’d have broken a window.” Was he thinking ‘she’s a bit dumb?’
“That will be fifty dollars,” he added. “You’ve to pay it straight away.
I’ve got EFTPOS if you need it.” I did. He said, “Have a good day!”
I found my keys in another coat pocket and that’s where the ‘IFS’ began.
IF it hadn’t been cold, I’d have had the same coat IF I’d a longer attention span.
IF I’d checked to see I had my keys before I left home for the bus.
IF the phone hadn’t gone to distract me with a matter I’d no wish to discuss.
IF I hadn’t snibbed the back door my daughter could have got in.
IF I’d had a spare key planted outside. (I used to have one under the bin!)
I must say, I sincerely hope, I never again forget my key.
‘Cos I could hardly understand my neighbour’s broad accent
AND I’M PRETTY SURE SHE COULDN’T UNDERSTAND ME!!
illustration by ume-nori
